I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
