bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
