There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize