I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
