Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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