So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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