Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
