This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
