I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm at about main and main street
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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