i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
