I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
