Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
