Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
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Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
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This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.