No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
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It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
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I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?