I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.