i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.