I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
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My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
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Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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