If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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