New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize