Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Randomize
