he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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