It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
