I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I think I died a long time ago.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
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