i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
