I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
