I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
