Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
