God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
