I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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