i would punch a child for taco bell
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Oh god it's open bar.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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