just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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