Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
It's just like the Real World with babies
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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