why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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