I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I need moral support for this bender
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
