You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
