matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
