We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
