Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
