There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
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I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
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Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You were trust falling into bushes
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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