my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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