hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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