After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
