I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
