the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
