i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
These tits shall not be calmed
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
