good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
