i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
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