WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
