Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
