I'm really into asian looking animals
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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