I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Houston, we have a squirter
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
