Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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