hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I could fuck to npr.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
