The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We don't watch enough power rangers
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize