Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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