i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
