I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
