Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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