I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
