he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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