I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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