If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
