somebody snuck up and got me drunk
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
