I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
