remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
