I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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